Oh hello, dear friend. Can you detect my sarcasm?

It's been a minute. About 2.5 months to be exact. We needed a break, so I'm glad I stepped away and took a breather.

Not that it helped.

The woman on the bus jump-started things. Speaking loudly into her earpiece, she let the whole bus know that she was giving shitty advice to her fiance regarding his kids and their mother.

You follow that? Me either, really. Not that it's any of my business, but giving advice like that isn't hers. An eye for an eye? (Let's pretend that's how that works).

Security was a breeze until I got to the end of it. I walked through in literally 2 minutes. Best thing ever, right?

WRONG.

The TSA in Denver International Airport now put backpacks aside that they want to peek into. So obviously, they put mine to the side (because I'm a badass), and then the agent checking the bags decided to disappear into the airport abyss.

So, 10 minutes later, I catch someone's attention, and he checks my bag.

No, there are no liquids. Or sharp objects. That is until he pulls out a wine opener.

It's a corkscrew but has one of those 1/2 inch blades to cut the aluminum on the bottles, so apparently, I have a dangerous weapon in possession.

I told you I was a badass. So much so that I told him to toss it.

Who needs a wine opener to open wine anyway?

GET CREATIVE PEOPLE.

Maybe this is a sign.

Maybe I need a drink.

La Croix tastes a lot like bubbly, so I purchase one. Of course, it costs an exorbitant amount of money and is a gross fruity flavor - just the taste I'm looking to wash down a Xanax with.

45 minutes later, things are calmer. THANK YOU PILLS, and I'm getting some work done.

Preparing to work on a plane is tricky. I currently have about 30 tabs open in my browser, and will inevitably close them all by accident when out of wifi's reach.

For now, tata sweet airport. I think I need some more time away.

Have a good/awful/funny airport experience? TELL ME ALL OF THE DETAILS in the comments below!